Stress Test
Do I Need Stress Counseling?
Stress and pressure are facts of life, for all of us. The main choice we face is how large a price we are willing to pay in dealing with stressful personal problems.
Introducing Stress Counseling
Sooner or later, each one of us finds ourself "stressed out" and saying, "There must be a better way." "Life just shouldn't be this tough." Or, "I try. I try hard. And, I deserve better than this".The stress "price tag" is always there.
and satisfaction in work and personal life, some degree of stress -- the price tag -- is inevitable. Each of us pays a price. How large a price is the only difference.
"If you would only accept how hard life is, you'd find it a whole lot easier." (19th century American financier J.P. Morgan's advice to his son)
Research shows that those people who control stress do one thing differently than those who end up being controlled by stress. When they see stress in their life adding up to a painful level, they involve a problem-solving partner. Someone whom they can trust. Someone who is both willing and able to help them problem-solve by:
- putting the problem in perspective
- clarifying the problem in practical terms
- setting goals so they can see clearly what they're aiming for
- being honest about the obstacles that will be faced in moving towards the goal
- discovering the resources they can call upon in themselves and in their situation
- most important, perhaps.is working out a plan, laying out the steps to get from here to there, and
- creating the support that's usually needed in handling a tough problem
Quite often the "partners" are friends. Sometimes, family members. Often they are counseling professionals ..... the family doctor, the parish minister, a psychologist, a social worker, a family therapist, or a certified stress counsellor.
Even more important, however, than who the partner is, is the over-stressed person is strong belief that "there must be a better way". This provides the desire, the early motivation to find a solution and to make it work.
"Stress Counseling" is all about solutions. About solving personal problems sooner rather than later. It's about putting the right partner(s) on your team, so you can strike a more satisfying, less stressful, bargain with your situation.
Can Stress Counseling Really Help Me?
Each client - counsellor partnership is, of course, unique, reflecting the personalties, backgrounds and objectives making up the relationship. However, "what's in it" for every client is usually the following seven "ingredients". And these ingredients become active ingredients as the client and counselor work together.
And, counseling is work. There are no magic solutions.
Ingredients Offered By Counseling
1. Clarifying the Problem(s)
"A problem well defined is a problem half solved." Perhaps the most important role of the counsellor is to help the client become able to describe their problem(s) in specific, concrete, actionable terms.
As stress builds up over time, most of us tend to over-generalize, usually in pessimistic or self-critical terms. At the first meeting with a counselor, a client might say, "I'm losing my temper all the time" or "I just can't control my temper". Not only are these statements probably inaccurate, they are phrased in terms far too broad to allow problem-solving to happen.
The counselor will help clarify the problem as to how often temper control is lost, under what circumstances, with what particular people, what consequences, etc.
A problem well defined really is a problem half solved.
2. Define Workable, Motivating Goals
People usually come to counseling because they are in pain of one kind or another. They want the painful patterns to stop. Indeed, pain relief is an important aim. Yet the counselor will gradually balance the focus on pain with increasing attention to the motivators, the positive experiences the client would like to have more often.
"My marriage is falling apart. I wish it could be the way it used to be." These opening statements by a client both reflect pain and they can become the motivating fuel for making several changes leading to a more satisfying relationship with their husband or wife. It is the counselor's role to help break down the one large, overarching aim into several concrete, manageable actions the client might take in revitalizing their marriage.
3. Identify and Neutralize Obstacles to Progress
Achieving one's aims in counseling is rarely quite as easy as clarifying problems and defining goals would suggest. Although chronic high stress usually means a lot of pessimistic "worry time" has already been spent on the dozens of ways a situation is hopeless or, at least, difficult to change, most stressed people have only a fuzzy idea about the real obstacles they may encounter in making positive changes.
It's the counselor's job to identify these obstacles, and to help the client to prepare to deal with them. Old habits, in oneself or in others, can often get in the way of progress. For example, what you do in the first five minutes after getting home from work (e.g. doing the dishes) can easily effect how much (and how well) a husband and wife will talk with each other for the rest of the evening.
Foreseeing and neutralizing the effects of such obstacles is counseling time well spent.
4. Bringing the Client's Resources into Full Play
Without exception, counseling clients discover they have "more going for them" than they thought. The counselor will look for these resources, and help the client bring them into full play, especially as tools for dealing successfully with obstacles.
For example: A problem drinker may typically only drink too heavily when they sit down in their favourite chair after work before (an often much delayed) dinner. This time of day may very well be the time the client reports they have most enjoyed having a workout with a friend or working on a hobby project. The powerful obstacle here is the alcohol-triggering effects of a particular time and place. Finding an enjoyable, buddy-supported substitute activity, or capitalizing on the client's desire to lose weight by eating dinner earlier, can act as a powerful resource in getting the drinking under better control.
5. Taking Action: Planning It and Doing It
Everything else, without action, is just academic. Even if the externally stressful situation cannot be changed, the action of thinking about and committing oneself to respohe counselor will gradually balance the focus on pain with increasing attention to the motivators, the positive experiences the client would like to have more often.
"My marriage is falling apart. I wish it could be the way it used to be." These opening statements by a client both reflect pain and they can become the motivating fuel for making several changes leading to a more satisfying relationship with their husband or wife. It is the counselor's role to help break down the one large, overarching aim into several concrete, manageable actions the client might take in revitalizing their marriage.
3. Identify and Neutralize Obstacles to Progress
Achieving one's aims in counseling is rarely quite as easy as clarifying problems and defining goals would suggest. Although chronic high stress usually means a lot of pessimistic "worry time" has already been spent on the dozens of ways a situation is hopeless or, at least, difficult to change, most stressed people have only a fuzzy idea about the real obstacles they may encounter in making positive changes.
It's the counselor's job to identify these obstacles, and to help the client to prepare to deal with them. Old habits, in oneself or in others, can often get in the way of progress. For example, what you do in the first five minutes after getting home from work (e.g. doing the dishes) can easily effect how much (and how well) a husband and wife will talk with each other for the rest of the evening.
Foreseeing and neutralizing the effects of such obstacles is counseling time well spent.
4. Bringing the Client's Resources into Full Play
Without exception, counseling clients discover they have "more going for them" than they thought. The counselor will look for these resources, and help the client bring them into full play, especially as tools for dealing successfully with obstacles.
For example: A problem drinker may typically only drink too heavily when they sit down in their favourite chair after work before (an often much delayed) dinner. This time of day may very well be the time the client reports they have most enjoyed having a workout with a friend or working on a hobby project. The powerful obstacle here is the alcohol-triggering effects of a particular time and place. Finding an enjoyable, buddy-supported substitute activity, or capitalizing on the client's desire to lose weight by eating dinner earlier, can act as a powerful resource in getting the drinking under better control.
5. Taking Action: Planning It and Doing It
Everything else, without action, is just academic. Even if the externally stressful situation cannot be changed, the action of thinking about and committing oneself to responding to it in one different way is a powerful action step.
Identifying such steps, framing them in a do-able, motivating plan, and then experimenting and getting better at taking steps is at the heart of how counseling can help.
Many people entering counseling would like to take one or two big steps, having then dealt with their problem.
On rare occasions this works. More often, however, a series of smaller steps makes the progress. The counselor helps set a commonsense, motivating framework containing these steps, and rehearses how the client can take them successfully.
6. Providing Support
Making any changes in your daily life -- even very positive changes -- can be stressful. Doing one or two things differently can, in the short term, lead to feelings of uncertainty, self-doubt, and vulnerability. In fact, this is why many of us tend to stay with the old self-defeating, painful habits or situations ..... because, at least, they're familiar to us.
So, the counselor will pay special attention to supporting the client's self-confidence and comfort (but not too comfortable) while making changes. This support may be offered directly by the counselor, or by encouragement to find the additional needed support with a friend or family member.
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